Going Back In Time......

This is more or less for me........I started writing in a small journal about 10 days after we got admitted to the hospital....Zac got it for me one of the first few days we were there hoping it would help me. But I honestly thought that I would have no problems remembering any of it. It was horrible. And if the outcome wasnt good, I didnt know if I would want to remember any of it. Although being pregnant with our baby, and loving it together was/is the happiest time of my life.

Typing is so much faster and easier than hand writing in a journal. So I am typing up everything I wrote over the course of the last 6 weeks so I have everything in one place for further down the road. You may be interested, or you may not be. (To start at the beginning, scroll down the the end of the entry)

22 AUG 2007- *23 weeks*
I havent written in a few days. Baby's heartbeat is still strong- in the 150's and good variability which is super good this soon! I've been feeling the baby kick a lot! I love it!! I will feel discomfort for a few seconds and then a baby part is sticking out of my tummy! Zac hasnt felt the baby kick yet, but hopefully soon!

18 AUG 2007
Heartbeat in the high 150's this morning. I felt the baby kick or punch three times! Twice right in a row and the third a few seconds later. It was so awesome. I wish Zac could have had his hand on my tummy for that one! Zac said baby was rocking out to REO Speedwagon, reminiscing its first concert! =) 1st anniversary is tomorrow!

16 AUG 2007
Nothing new to report. Heartbeat in the high 140's- 150's
(content might be a little gross....up to you to read)
I had a little scare. I went to the bathroom and leaked dark brownish stuff stuff. Of course I freaked out and called the nurse. She came and looked at it and said its probably old blood that worked its way down or the baby could have pooped! haha We monitored baby and heartbeat was good. I dont have a fever, or cramping so we are just keeping a close eye on everything and going to see what Dr Helfgott says. As of now, nothing to worry about.

15 AUG 2007
Baby's heartbeat was in the 150's again this morning.
Daddy (Zac) told me
"This is our baby. We are both so stubborn, so imagine how stubborn the baby is. It isnt coming out anytime soon!" Lets hope!!
I am getting more scared as I get farther along. Doesnt make much sense does it? I just hope Zac doesnt have to go to Atterbury or anywhere before baby is born.

12 AUG 2007
This morning daddy held the monitor and found baby's heartbeat. I think baby woke up and started playing because the heartbeat started in the 130's and then up to 160. Busy baby! I dont know whats going on with Zac. I hope he is ok. I know its hard on him too. We just really need to help each other right now. I know he is getting very sick of being here. But we know its what has to be done.

11 AUG 2007
This morning/ afternoon while listening to the heartbeat, baby had the hick ups! It was the cutest thing! Hank and Courtney were hear for that. Zac is in the wedding Sept 15th. I will most likely miss it. But it will be worth it. (I missed a wedding that I was suppose to be in on July 21st.- what a bummer!)

9 AUG 2007
This morning baby's heartbeat started in the 130's the started moving around and then in the 150's. I think we made the baby mad- probably woke him/ her up! All in all, today has pretty much sucked though.

8 AUG 2007- *21 weeks*
Baby's heartbeat was 152- 156 this morning. Whoo hoo!! We need at least 3 more weeks for the baby to be considered viable. Fingers crossed. We are beating the odds so far. At 24 weeks we will get a series of 2 shots (in my butt!) to help baby's lungs develop. God I hope we make it another 3 weeks. Zac is at Atterbury and Ft Knox today =( He will be back tonight. He is pretty upset that he had to go down again. Hopefully not much more. Mr. Nichols came to visit today!!!! (he was my 5th grade teacher.....yes 5th grade. I had him at Weisser Park over 14 years ago!- and he brought me my FAVORITE cookies!)

7 AUG 2007
We had our ultrasound today! My fluid level went up from 2.4cm to 5.14cm!! We are thrilled!! Baby is growing and is right on schedule with weight. Baby is 11 oz. Baby is also breech! Oh no! Hopefully there will be enough fluid for baby to eventually move back around. Cant tell the sex of baby because of the fluid level. Tomorrow is 21 weeks! YAY! WE LOVE BABY HACKETT!

6 AUG 2007
It was hard to find baby's heartbeat this morning because baby was moving around so much!!! There was swishy sounds and couldnt pick up a solid heartbeat. Feisty little booger! We found the heartbeat for a second but then baby kicked where the monitor was and started playing again! We sure are going to have our hands full!!! PT was suppose to come today, but didnt show all day. Oh well.

5 AUG 2007
Heartbeat still in the 150's....GOOD!
Zac is at Camp Atterbury today. Hopefully he comes home tonight and doesnt have to stay the night. I dont want to sleep alone. When I wake up in the middle of the night, I love having him here with me. He always asks if I am ok when I get up to go to the bathroom.
Ultrasound is Tuesday! Hopefully the fluid level is at least the same if not higher!

2 AUG 2007
150's again and baby was moving. The nurse said that is unusual this early to move that much so thats really good! I am not leaking as much, as most people do being 2 cm dilated so we are hoping maybe, possibly my cervix closed up a little. My nurse is trying to get me a laptop for my room!!! That sure would be nice!!!!
God, I love Zac! He is being awesome!

1 AUG 2007- *20 weeks*
I am beginning my 6th month! How exciting! We just keep positive and praying for the best. This morning baby's heartbeat was in the 150's again. So everything is looking good, no cramping, no irregular leaking.
Hospital stay: day 15
Zac doesnt have to go to AT!!!!! We were VERY concerned for a bit!

31 JULY 2007
Dr Helfgott came in early this morning. Everything still looks good! Nothing has changed- everyday is a day closer! Baby's heartbeat was in the 150's again this morning. WE LOVE BABY HACKETT!
I learned to knit!!!! Its actually really easy!!!!

30 July 2007
Another good day!!!! Heartbeat 152-153 We monitored baby again for my mom to hear. She cried too! Tonight I am going to learn to knit! With the help of an awesome gift, and one of my nurses in case all else fails. Yikes!

28 July 2007
Baby Hacketts heartbeat jumped around between 153-157 this morning. Baby sounded so strong! Hoping today will be a good day.
Baby is 19 weeks, 3 days
Monitored baby's heartbeat 2 more times today for Halley and my dad to hear....Grandpa cried

27 July 2007
Today the nurse found Baby Hackett pretty low. Baby has been low this whole time. Dr Helfgott said my uterus is growing good =) So I am sure baby will be a little higher in my tummy really soon! Heartbeat strong as usual.

26 July 2007 (**warning, this entry gets pretty detailed.....but you know me, I am not modest) There are facts of what happened, my feelings, my emotions, and my venting. Its just Lindsay getting out of whats in her head and into words.

On July 17th, My water broke at about 5:40 pm when I got home from work. Not exactly sure what happened (because why would my water break at 18 weeks?!?) It was the weirdest thing. And I probably dont really even need to blog it, because it is something that I will NEVER forget.......It felt like I had to go poop. So I am trying, and it felt really weird, like I was passing a blood clot or something, like when I would have a really bad period. So I looked down and there was a dark purple water balloon looking thing crowning out of my vagina.....WHAT IS THAT!?!??! I grabbed a mirror and was trying to look to see what the heck it was.......kind of pushed it back in, and called Zac immediately. When I was on the phone to him explaining what happen, it started coming out again.....I started screaming that something was coming out of me and I didnt know what it was and it was purple...I was screaming and crying and then all of the sudden it burst. Zac said "Please dont tell me its a baby!" He told me to call my doctor and that he was on his way home. I called my doctor, and of course the office was closed. Not knowing what to do........(this is odd) I called my boss.......There is an nurse in the new life center that was building a house with us.....and I knew he would still be in the office, so I called him and asked him to grab her file because I needed her number because I couldnt get a hold of my doctor etc..... I was crying to him, I hope I didnt freak him out too much!!! So I called her and was hysterical, told her what happened and she was calling the ER and the new life center to give them heads up, and to take good care of me.....I also called my older sister Heather who recently had her 3rd baby.....not sure why I thought she knew everything there was to know, but she was my older sister.....she knows everything!!!!!....Zac was home within 10 minutes. Usually it takes him twice that long to get home. He then rushed me to the hospital...Thank goodness there wasnt any cops around. I also called my mom to warn her that we were on the way to the ER and wasnt really sure what was going on......and that we would call her when we found out, and it might be late when we do......I had to visit the ER first before going to the new life center because I was under 20 weeks. The nurse in the ER couldnt find the heartbeat.....and I almost threw up. It was hard to keep it down.....tears just started flowing.....Zac didnt say a thing. The nurse said not to freak out yet because their equipment isnt as high tech as the ultrasound equipment. They were rolling me to go get and ultrasound. Before going, I went to use the restroom because it felt like I was going to pee my pants.......I sat on the toilet and started bleeding.....and the started screaming and sobbing.....the nurse and Zac busted in to see what was wrong and helped me get cleaned up. When we were finally at the ultrasound, the tech said that baby's heartbeat was 165. I said "WHAT!??!??! There is a heartbeat!???!" And then I started crying again.....wait, I dont think I ever stopped. But these were happy tears this time. I just thought everything was fine and what ever it was that happened wasnt pregnancy related. Boy, was I wrong. After that, we went back down to the ER and two different guy doctors checked me out......(Two strange men looked at my girl!) They didnt really tell us anything new.......Zac joked around saying that they were probably out in the hallway giving each other high fives....geez, my husband, surely knows how to lighten the mood. So then after that, I was wheeled in a bed to the triage in the new life center, where the on call OB doctor was going to come see me. She just happened to be in a meeting with my doctor (Helfgott) so when she heard that Hacketts were there, she came and saw us. I was so relieved I got to see her. So I started from the beginning and told her what happened, every detail. She examined me, and OH MY GOD I dont know how far in me, or how wide she opened me, but it was the most painful thing I have ever felt. I couldnt breath. I tried, and she kept telling me to breath, but I couldnt. I was crying and looking at Zac expecting him to make everything better like he always has. I can tell that he was in distraught seeing me in so much pain....When she was done, she told us what the situation was. My water did indeed break, and I was 2cm dilated. She asked us if we wanted a moment alone, or if we wanted her to continue......but continue with what? What did that mean? Why would she give us a minute to be alone, what else did she have to tell us? I didnt understand. She said that we had a decision to make......Like WHAT!?!? What decision?? We were having a baby!!!!! What did she mean!???! She said that since my water broke at 18 weeks, there was hardly a chance at all that the baby would survive at the point. WHAT!!??? I dont remember exactly the way she worded things. Or the order that she said things. But in a nut shell......she said we didnt have to make a decision right then, or even tomorrow, or the next day, it was a big decision to make, and it was solely up to Zac and me and we need to think about it.....Think about WHAT??? I DONT GET IT!!!!! So basically our choices were A: To be induced and be done and over with it and lose the baby.... no thank you, B: to get a DNC or C: to wait it out and see how far we can get. She told us about steroid shots we can get at 24 weeks to help baby's lungs develop. I couldnt comprehend any of this. Doctor told us that I would need to be on bed rest for the remaining of my pregnancy. Zac asked if I had to stay in the hospital or if I could go home. She said that she couldnt make us stay but baby would have a better chance if we did, because they could monitor baby and me, check my temperature every 2 hours, give me IVs, antibiotics, if anything were to happen or start going wrong (hemorrhaging etc) I would already be at the hospital and wouldnt have to transport me from our house. I couldnt make sense of any of it. Zac had to explain it over and over again. Why was this happening? What did I do to cause this? Is it because I mowed the grass when Zac was at drill? Was it because we had sex the wrong way, or too much sex, or because I picked something up that was too heavy??? She kept reassuring me that it was nothing I did wrong. But I still didnt understand the decision that we had to make. There wasnt one to make!!!!! We were not going to do anything but to give it all we had. How could we just terminate our baby? End a life that we created out of nothing but unconditional love? We were then transferred to a private room. It felt so cold and sterile. I have never had to go to a hospital before for broken bones, stitches, surgery or anything, and now I will be living in one for who knows how long.....Hopefully months. By this time, it was 10 or 11 pm. Heather had been calling me and Zac and texting us wondering what the heck was going on, and wondering if everything was ok.......well not exactly. I asked Zac to call her and tell her what the deal was because I couldnt hold it together. I could hardly breath, let alone, try to make sense of everything to explain it to her. So he called her and she was on her way. My goodness....I didnt expect her to come all of the way to Parkview North Hospital! She has 3 young boys, lives on the south side of town, had to work in the morning, and it was 10 o'clock (or later) at night!!! But she came! She entered the room sobbing, grabbed me and just held me, We had a good cleansing cry. Not that I felt better after crying, because I never really stopped. I think I lightened the mood a little bit.....I got up to go to the bathroom, drug my IV thing on wheels along with me and peed with the door open. Who cares, its my husband, and my sister. Heather and Zac were having a moment, hugging and crying, and then I farted. We all started laughing! =) What?!? Girls fart too, especially pregnant girls!!! Heather ended up leaving around midnight or so......Zac slept with me in the hospital bed. I guess you would call it "attempted to sleep" He just held me. I said I wish we would wake up from this dream....he called it a nightmare. Worst nightmare we have ever had. I would dose for a few minutes, wake back up and just cry. It was real. We were at the hospital. We could lose our baby. Something we wanted so badly. We decided that we wanted to have a baby before he got deployed again. And now this is happening. WHY?? We couldnt fathom it. We decided to try to get pregnant just a few days before Christmas, and then we conceived in March. Everything seemed so perfect. So now why was this happening to us? It isnt fair! What did we do to deserve this? We like to think that God has a plan for everything and everyone, but we have a hard time believing that right now. Hopefully it will change soon because we need Him to guide us and emotionally help us through this.



*I did not proof read this.......just ran it through spell check, but that still doesnt mean much. So I apologize if parts dont make sense.*

PICTURE!!!

Here is the picture that my dad took at the ultrasound. Yes, my dad was there! =)

Since my orders are "bed rest with bathroom privileges," the ultrasounds comes to me. Which was kind of a bummer because I want to get out of the room!!!

What we were looking at on the screen was the results of the measurements, growth etc. of baby compared to what the average is.......baby is right one schedule! (you can see Zac's head in the bottom right corner of the pic, and my nurse is peeking too!)

We get the other steroid shot tomorrow. I have never looked forward to shots before! haha

Its Been a While........

Well gang, I am not sure who all checks this still.....but hopefully now that I have a laptop I will be writing more and keeping everyone updated.

For those who dont exactly know what happened, or why I am in the hospital, here are a few facts

• PPROM= preterm premature rupture of membranes (rupture before 37 weeks, my water broke at 18 weeks)


• PPROM complicates approx 2%-3% of all pregnancies


• 50%-75% of women with PPROM deliver within the first week of rupture, then of the remaining 25%-50%-,half deliver in 2nd week, and of that remaining, half deliver in the 3rd week......and so on.

So far we are beating all of the odds. So PLEASE DO NOT stop praying yet!!!!!

Here is the most recent news.......

We have made it 6 weeks since my water broke. =) We have been here since July 17th.

I will be 24 weeks tomorrow, and beginning my 7th month!! Whoo hoo!!!! I will be getting two steroid shots on Wednesday (tomorrow) and Thursday to help the lungs develop. Its been a long time waiting. =)

We had another ultrasound today.......I lost a little fluid. It went from 5.1cm of amniotic fluid to 3.69cm But I have more than what I started with 6 weeks ago when my water broke! =)

Baby gained weight!!!! Last ultrasound baby weighed 11oz and the ultrasound today, baby weighed 1lb 4oz!!!!!! Baby almost doubled in weight!!! How awesome is that!??!!

Baby's heat rate is SO strong! Zac concluded that since it is his and my baby, it is stubborn as heck, so it wont be coming out any time soon. Fine by me. Stay in there at least another 6-8 weeks!

Baby Hackett is breech....so that means a c-section since I dont have enough fluid for it to turn. I will most likely have a classical incision through my skin to my uterus but then a vertical incision into my uterus. It is the quickest and safest way to get baby out (if it has to come out asap due to heart rate drop, distress etc) If I do have a vertical incision into my uterus, then I will always have to have c-section deliveries because if I were to go into labor in another pregnancy, my uterus could re- open at the incision. At first I was kind of bummed that I will never get to experience labor, contractions, and what God made my body to do.....but the more I thought about it.....I AM doing what God made my body to do. Its just that Baby is coming out a different way and thats ok!!!!! =)

A picture was taken at the ultrasound today, 28 AUG 2007.....as soon as I get it I will post it!!